Just Another Normal Day for the Only Sane Member of an Insane Family

	Just Another Normal Day for the Only Sane Member of an Insane Familiy It was a quiet day. My mother and I were lounging on the porch, my mother with an Agatha Christie novel, her latest in a long series,which she is totally obsessed with, and I with a David Eddings. Across from our comfortable positions on the porch swing seat shone the sun, its blazing yellow rays shining directly in our eyes with all the strength of the sun at its zenith. The light made my eyes sting, but I felt too relaxed to care; it was a typically lazy summer day, with all the goodwill and agreeableness that comes with it. Near us came the somnolent droning of the bees as they busily gathered pollen from our flowers, heedless of the heat that beat down on us humans and drained us of the energy to act. My long hair fell across my face as a result of my slumped position, but, just at an exciting part where the hero was in a perilous fight with a far older and skilled man that he was, I ignored it. Naturally it was just at that instant that an ear-splitting yowl echoed through our house, shattering the soporific silence that had previously pervaded the air. My book dropped from my fingers to land face-down on the porch at the sheer volume of it; I am still firmly convinced that the penguins on Antarctica looked up and asked one another, ‘What was that?’ Irritated in a languid sort of way, I looked up slowly. My sleepiness was broken at once as out from our door hurtled a wild-eyed, panic-stricken creature. Its fur stood up on end all around it, creating the impression of a hedgehog in the middle of a thunderstorm, or perhaps something that washed up in the tide. Large green eyes were slitted with fear and surprise, and its face was frozen in a hideous expression of anger. Hissing and spitting in the truly vicious manner that only a righteously indignant cat can achieve, it clawed its way up a tree in a record two seconds. It took two whole minutes for this scenario to register in my mind, my foggy mind reacting more slowly than usual. By the time I had worked my brain to coherence and it occurred to me to wonder what our usually demure cat Mmrr was doing in such a feral state, my sister was at the door, laughing quietly. “I wonder whatever got into her?” she murmured, then collapsed on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. My eyes narrowed. Her voice had been studiedly innocent, but there was a certain intonation in her voice, a peculiar inflection in her tone that I had learned to recognize and beware of. “Okay, Ce’Nedra,” I said sternly. “What did you do?” “Me?” she asked innocently, her eyes overflowing with hurt that I had suspected her, which I knew perfectly well was mostly feigned. Despite myself, however, I felt my heart melting and my knees go weak in the wake of that wide-eyed gaze that had defeated many far more hard-hearted than I. Years of exposure to it, however, had given me some degree of immunity. With an effort I pulled my eyes away and said, “Yes, you,” though it didn’t come out as harshly as I would have liked. “Nothing,” she protested. “Oh, really?” “Well…” she hesitated. “Let’s just say, for the sake of hypothesis, that I was really bored, and I opened the fridge. Now, if I did that, I might have found some hypothetical jalapeno peppers—if I hypothetically opened the fridge—and I might have wondered what Mmrr would do if I fed her the hypothetically found jalapeno peppers. This is all purely speculation, you understand. All hypothesis. No basis in real fact.” “Of course,” I said, my voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. “Of course,” she said, happy now that everything had been settled her way. Don’t get me wrong, my sister is very bright, and very devious indeed, but sometimes sarcasm can go right over her head. This does not mean she is stupid, just insane. If anybody doubts that, I invite him or her to try to bargain with little Ce’Nedra. What could I do? I just sighed, shook my head, and went to look for and soothe my shivering pet, giving up all hope of finishing my book before lunchtime. Just another normal day for the only sane member of an insane family. P.S. This is all entirely fake! My sister, who resembles Ce’Nedra a little bit, fortunately has a great sense of humor, so she will not try to kill me. What? You don’t? Well, that’s just too bad, because I say you do, and you’re not going to embarrass me by contradicting me after I’ve just posted it on the Internet!